Let's talk about gay sex, baby!

Jana is a 30-year-old Berlin chef and thanks to the Corona pandemic has become a part of the nevernot team.

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I must have been around 15 years old when I got my first period. If I remember correctly, I had successfully hidden it from my mother for a month or two and I was terribly insecure about how to deal with it.

Even at school, periods had never been dealt with – neither teachers nor students really talked about it.

Surely, back in the 1990s and early 2000s, the Bravo magazine had been the only media trying to educate about the topic. Even though I am still thankful to the Dr. Sommer Team for all their efforts, we probably all agree that this wasn’t enough and we would all have benefited from more information.

Things have changed a lot since. We have become older and society has become more open-minded. Sex, menstruation and even period sex have been widely freed from their taboos. Most of these things are being openly talked about, now. We can read about them in books and magazines, listen to podcasts and visit events. Thanks to a lot of admirable and committed people, the topic has even found its place in the feminist branch of the porn industry.

Talking about our bodies and biological processes is essential. Yet, it is even more important to share our individual experiences with others.

This is why I tend to discuss my relationship and sex life with my friends very openly. I ask for help, share things I have experienced, seen or whatever is on my mind. Still, for a few years now, one topic has particularly occupied my mind:

Period sex.

I came out around ten years ago and have been in relationships with women ever since. In case you have never wasted a thought about the impact of menstruation in a relationship between two women, here are some clues:

My period usually lasts five days while my girlfriend sometimes even menstruates for six days. During this time, I often experience a quite strong sex drive and we often find ourselves asking one another: “Are you still on your period?” Most of the time, we end up deciding not to have sex because we are insecure about whether it might bother the respective other or – more often – because we, ourselves, feel uncomfortable.

Personally, I don’t mind my partner menstruating since, by now, we must have exchanged most other types of body fluids. Menstrual blood is something completely natural. Yet, I must admit, I have thrown away quite a lot of bed sheets over the years because I just couldn’t get rid of the blood stains.

So, for a long time, I have asked myself: how can I make things more comfortable and relaxed for both me and my partner? Have you ever tried to have sex with a cotton tampon or a menstrual cup? Tampons tend to dry things up quite badly and are somewhat irritating. The withdrawal string often disappears inside the body and can be really difficult to reach with the fingers. You can feel resigned to spending the rest of your life with this tampon because you’d rather not visit the gynaecologist.

The solution appeared late one evening at my local in Berlin-Neukölln. Like myself, Katha – a close friend of the owner – was alone and we started chatting. She seemed incredibly open, free-spirited and directly caught my attention. It took us less than ten minutes to start talking about sex, when, eventually, I asked her about her job: Katha was about to create her own brand of soft tampons.

Years before, Katha had been wondering, how sex workers and porn actors would deal with their periods. “After all, they couldn’t just call in sick or take a week off every month, could they?” This is how she discovered a product which has been used in these industries for decades.

Soft tampons are little sponges which soak up the menstrual blood without your partner noticing – little sponges which could also be a solution for anyone wanting to have sex during their periods, while dispelling any worries about getting their sheets messed up.

Her idea of making soft tampons into a mainstream product has now grown into a company called „nevernot“ which Katha is running together with Anna. They have succeeded in creating an attractive product for all people who menstruate, not to mention their hard-hitting online presence.

Just recently, I offered to test their soft tampons and write this report. So, Katha and Anna gave me a pack of tampons and for the first time in my life, I was happy to get my period five days earlier than expected.

That night, my girlfriend and I were cooking dinner, had some wine and talked for hours. I had told her about the tampons before and that I wanted to try them. One thing led to another and I suddenly found myself in the bathroom to put in my first soft tampon.

The sponge is very light, of a delicate pink color and somewhat resembles a gummi bear. Even though it’s not a sex toy, it does slightly feel like one. It is very soft, so you can easily squeeze and insert it. At the first try, I was unsure how deep to insert it, but I trusted Katha’s and Anna’s advice that the tampon cannot get lost inside of my body.

It was all very exciting, and I couldn’t wait to see how it would feel. To begin with, I felt slightly anxious and wanted to be sure that there really wasn’t any blood on my girlfriend’s fingers or on my sheets. But after a few minutes, I was able to let go and start enjoying it.

Anna and Katha were right; I really didn’t notice I was using a menstrual product!

Thanks to the increased blood supply in the lower abdomen parts during menstruation, the feeling was even more intense.

Despite my period, my girlfriend touched me and went down on me, which I would never have been comfortable with before.

Even my girlfriend enjoyed the experience! Although she could slightly feel the tampon with her fingers, she couldn’t see, smell or taste anything. My period was pretty much invisible.

Removing the soft tampon was a little tricky and for a second and I was again confronted by thoughts of a lifelong partnership together with the tampon inside of me…but fortunately my worst fears didn't come true and with a little patience and trying out different positions and movements with my fingers, I was able to grab it. My girlfriend could have helped me if necessary, but the tampon wasn’t so far inside that it couldn’t be grabbed onto.

It was heavier than before, meaning it had done its job and stopped any “spillage”. What surprised us most was that the soft tampon was completely odorless.. My sense of smell is usually stronger during periods and often find the smell of cotton tampons very unpleasant.

My conclusion: trust nevernot and the girls. They have developed an incredible product. Not only has this product test allowed me to learn more about myself but provided my relationship with a special and important experience. The menstrual sponge has already changed my sex life for the better; it’s liberating. I can’t wait to try it out during other activities or to just use it as an additional period product. My advice: try out soft tampons, play around and have sex with it. I can highly recommend it to everyone out there!

Period sex? Yes please!

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December 06, 2020 — Katharina Trebitsch